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GENERAL

EBAY




GENERAL

  1.  

    What is this deadline business?

    You have 21 days from the time you win the eBay listing to send me off on my next trip. THERE WILL BE NO EXCEPTIONS. This means that you must: receive me, take my picture, create your eBay listing, and send me off to my new host by the deadline. Sensei will not post your photo until he receives confirmation that I am on my way to my next host. THERE WILL BE NO EXCEPTIONS. If I am not on my way within the deadline, I will die and be reincarnated with Sensei. This could mean that both you and my new host will have to resolve any conflicts according to eBay's trading policies. The way of the warrior demands discipline. Do not be late. Did I mention, THERE WILL BE NO EXCEPTIONS?

  2.  

    What happens if I lose The Samurai Guy?

    Losing The Samurai Guy is shameful and a blemish on the honor of your house. If I am not found and allowed to continue on my journey within the deadline, I will die and be reincarnated with Sensei.

  3.  

    What if I find The Samurai Guy after he has been reincarnated?

    What you have found is called a shibito, a zombie. It is an evil an odious thing and Sensei will have nothing to do with that abomination. Only my reincarnated spirit may continue upon my journey.

  4.  

    What if I want to keep The Samurai Guy?

    Perhaps one day The Samurai Guy will find a venerated position in the Imperial Court, but for now, The Samurai Guy has the soul of a warrior and my journey calls to me. It is my destiny to wander until I find enlightenment and become a tatsujin, one who has mastered excellence in all aspects of his life. As you can imagine this is a very difficult thing, and many spend a lifetime trying to reach this goal. If you prevent The Samurai Guy from continuing on his journey, I will die and become a shibito.

  5.  

    What is a shibito?

    A shibito is a zombie, an undead abomination. This is the cursed fate of The Samurai Guy if he is lost or is unable to continue his journey.

  6.  

    What is reincarnation?

    Prophecy says The Samurai Guy will one day become a supreme enlightened being. Until I have fulfilled that destiny, The Samurai Guy is fated to be reincarnated over and over again each time I die or lose my way. It is The Samurai Guy's spirit which defines him, not the mortal coil he inhabits at any given time.

  7.  

    Why is the photo and story I sent Sensei different from the one on the site?

    Sensei has the right to edit any and all photos and stories submitted before posting them to the site to ensure they meet the moral and ethical standards as befits an officer of the Imperial Court.

  8.  

    Are there any restrictions to the photos or stories I send Sensei?

    No. However, Sensei will be the sole judge of what deserves to be published on the site. Further, any illegal activities involving my likeness are resoundingly condemned. Photos of pornographic nature may amuse Sensei--he has a shocking sense of humor for one so enlightened--but he will probably not post them for the sake of others who have not yet attained his level of enlightenment.

  9.  

    Can you give me some photo ideas?

    My fame shall spread according to the records of my brave deeds. As my legend grows, my fetching price should grow as well. Which means you have every incentive to ensure that you create the most memorable photos of The Samurai Guy so that when your time comes to sell my services you may be rewarded handsomely. Some ideas:

    • unmistakable landmarks (Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty)
    • breathtaking landscapes (The Grand Canyon, Angel Falls))
    • famous people (Jessica Alba, World Cup Champions, Barack Obama)
    • amazing adventures (interview on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef)


EBAY

  1.  

    Why do you use eBay?

    I have spent many hours with Sensei learning about the ways of this strange and wondrous land. eBay is the world's greatest marketplace and is superior to anything we have at the Imperial Court. Those who run eBay have thought much about how to protect Buyers and Sellers and still give them the best possible bargains. Truly, this is astounding. It also allows Sensei to follow me no matter where my journey takes me, so The Samurai Guy uses eBay.

  2.  

    Why do I have to leave eBay feedback?

    Because it is the honorable thing to do. It is also the only way Sensei can find you to give you instructions for sending my photos to him. Sensei does this by going to the feedback you have left and clicking on your eBay username in order to contact you. If you don't do this, there is no way for Sensei to tell if you are my next honored host or if you are an honorless dog trying to cheat those wishing for me to visit them.

  3.  

    How can I tell if The Samurai Guy is a fake?

    Sensei posts the official eBay listing chronicling my journey on TheSamuraiGuy.com. Only this item is authentic and all others are dishonorable fakes. The wrath of the gods will exact revenge on those honorless curs.

  4.  

    What do I do if I was cheated on eBay?

    Only the offical eBay listing posted by Sensei is recognized. Still, even I can be misled by dishonorable thieves. Let the Buyer beware! You must still use common sense and follow the policies and guidelines on eBay. If you have any disputes or problems with your purchase on eBay, you must contact them. The Samurai Guy has no official affiliation with eBay and is not responsible for any losses or damages as a result of trading on the eBay site.

  5.  

    What if my eBay listing doesn't sell?

    That is almost inconceivable. The legend of The Samurai Guy has spread far and wide and there is a waiting list of hosts who demand an audience with me. If your eBay listing doesn't sell, then perhaps you are pricing my trip too high. There are no guarantees that you will make a profit when you buy me, but that is why it is within your power to help grow and expand the legend of The Samurai Guy. The better photos you take, the more people you spread my tale to, the more attention you can bring to my journey can increase my fetching price. Besides, if they can sell ghosts, grilled cheese sandwiches, and used bubble gum on eBay, how can a handsome, valiant, and humble warrior such as The Samurai Guy not sell?